The year before in ‘04- it was a struggle to breathe. The stress and anxiety and crap of starting from scratch after dropping out of a legit private 4yr University was behind me, Thank God. Starting ’05 was reassuring knowing that I had gotten back in the rhythm of taking classes and progressing toward transferring to a university somewhere else. But with school and academics all aside, there was another bigger life-changing reassurance that I had been craving for all through last year.

An epiphany. 

A life revelation that smacked me in the face, heart, and soul. 

Truth.

There just came a time during late in 2004 and that went into early 2005 where I asked myself- 

These probing questions unearthed the true reality of what was so messed up inside of me. It helped me to tear out that cancer of insecurity and fear of living in an uncertain world that isn’t so comfortable. This all stemmed from the sad reality of me seeking in people what they could not give me. In people I was seeking love, attention, trust, comfort, care, encouragement, acceptance, guidance, and so many other things. It took me up until this time in my life to understand that people can not fulfill you…

People can not fulfill you with an abundant life!

So I looked to just go it alone. Rely on myself. It worked for a while but that’s not the way I was able to be happy- just go it alone in my little shell. I’ve been there and done that. It gets you no where and alone…

What then? 

What else was left? 

If not people, and if I couldn’t do it own my own- what the heck is there left to do?...

Silence…

Nothing but silence.

…and that’s when I stopped hearing myself and the enemy that plagued my mind.

In the weakest point, when I couldn’t figure it out…I noticed my Catholic Youth Bible that I had since 7^th grade. And opening it up and reading through the psalm poerty… that’s when it hit me. 

That’s when Gods Word hit me the hardest I’ve ever been hit before… 

So damn hard that I teared up and wept like never before… It was Him.

God, my Father, the Lord and Maker of everything that called me to Him.

And all I heard in my heard was His voice-

I felt just like a little kid, who was left for missing in a huge mall, desperately looking for his parents after wandering off. And then suddenly, when you stop moving and searching for them…you hear your dad’s voice call out for you… and all that weight of worry and fear is lifted off your shoulders when you see him and you run and embrace him with no words to say and all you know is- that it’s all going to be okay... you are safe.

When God spoke to me and embraced me as his broken child, my life changed. From the inside out. I had joy in my life because of my growing faith in God. He gave me hope and love and encouragement and comfort and everything that I had previously looked for in people and in myself. I was happy with my job, with going to school, and I spread it all onto my family. They definitely noticed things were getting better for me when I started smiling and laughing a lot more than before. Not only that, I began to get healthier and slowly, I gained mass and weight... The best feeling was seeing my mom overjoyed to see that I was getting better.

From that point of transforming revelation and on into the rest of the year- doors of opportunity started popping open for my future. During the summer break, I could not get San Diego State out of my head. Already set on majoring in International Business (I loved Anthropology, world cultures, and traveling but wanted something with some practical career application beyond teaching or field research) I was split between UCSD- but it seemed too hippie for me;) APU- but it seemed to be just like TU and I didn’t want to pay thousands more for a more ‘comfy’ college life aaand SDSU- ghetto but sunny lol! and they had a nationally ranked study abroad program in Int’l Business.  So I focused on SDSU and applied for admission as a Spring 2006 transfer. In late summer I got a letter back from the admissions office regarding my application. I opened it and found out I had gotten…DENIED.

Uugggggggghh. It sucked. It sucked big donkey balls. But I didn’t let it go. I knew and was sure that I had all the classes that I could take at the community college all done- whatever requirements remained I had to take there directly at SDSU. Like a heartbroken teenager- which I was!- I wanted to know WHY I was shut down…(why don’t you want me SDSU like I want you?...haha) I called and sent a letter of petition that stated my case…and I applied to the Fall transfer admission but that would leave me missing out on 6months+ of school since I had no other classes that I could take for my major…and time passed on…and I began to just accept that I was going to change my plans for school. Soon after that I received another letter in the mail from SDSU Admissions. So I opened it up and saw that it was a letter. A letter of acceptance for SDSU- and it was bitter sweet- cuz’ I just knew that it was for the Fall semester. And I read it over again…Spring 2006. I couldn’t believe it! I seriously couldn’t. So before I got too excited, I called to make sure that it wasn’t a typo. Talking with an advisor that personally reviewed my petition and application, she confirmed with me that it was for Spring semester;)… THANK YOU GOD ALMIGHTY!!...hhhhhhaleujah...

There was a goof up with a class that I had not completed yet but would be taking the Fall semester right before Spring.

Once I saw the light of leaving home and entering SDSU in 2006, I gained tunnel vision. I was focused. I knew exactly where I was going. I knew that it was God that had lighted the way and pointed me on that path to SDSU and that He has graciously opened the door for me to go. For the first time in my life, I had a clear vision of where I was going in the future. I worked my butt off that Fall semester, enjoyed the holidays with my big family like I never had before (work hard, party harder;) and finished 2005 feeling like a new person...WORD.