As I sit here in the front room of the main house, with the fan blowing directly at me, sipping on a cold Imperial, and the telly turned on showing a movie in English with Spanish sub-titles (I can't tolerate dubbing at all), I am just in this state of peace and contention. It has honestly been a while since I could really say that I was completely fine with life lately. I guess being on 'vacation' from groups for more than a month now and really just having to occupy myself trying to figure out having a life here has kept me in a semi-funk state- for lack of a better term. And since Bethany left last Sunday after being with me for a week of pure happiness/joy, I definitely felt discouraged and on real shaky ground. I can just say that I was beyond frustrated with my situation of life right now and could not wait to leave this SuckTown LOL (its a huge blessing to be able to laugh about it now btw)
...seriously God spoke to me through the guy who has always always been there for me since I was a grubby little kid and who I will never again for taking him for granted. That love and wisdom and attention that he expressed to me reminded me of all the times past when he was there for me- in my weakest moments as a person. Given a few days later of praying, writing, talking openly with the other few people that I love and trust dearly, going into the city, going to a local gym, being with the people, interacting with complete strangers, and simply putting things into perspective with regards to all the shit I've gone through in my past... and my prayers were answered. For the first time in a long time, I reached a solid state of peace and of being content with life...
For those of you who cared, listened, and prayed- Thank you so much... Only God knows how much you've kept a brother strong in a time of trial, growing, and learning.
I can't keep this to myself and feel the need to share a message to seven special people who have been there for me in so many ways since I left the 619...
1)
Papi- every time I talk to you and share about whatever I've been up to, you never fail to let me know how much you are proud of me and how much you love me. I feel like I understand you more and have a greater understanding of your life by being able to be in Latin America and see all that you have told me of your ghetto childhood firsthand;) Te quiero, papi.
2)
Mami- Just like to papi, I understand so much more of the life you led before coming to the U.S. with papi. I now see just how huge the sacrifice of leaving your career as a judge was and it humbles me to see the immense blessing that it has had on me, cesar, and sandra. I love hearing you laugh and thank you for always listening to whatever problems I share with you. Te quiero, mami.
3)
Cesar- you are the man who has always always been there for me in tough times. You have helped and challenged me so so much since I left H.S. Though we've been separated a lot of the time by distance and I am so honored to have an older brother like you that is full of character and conviction and compassion. Thanks for not feeding me bullshit and for telling it all like it is. Blood before anything else. I love you.
4)
Sandra- oh gosh lol. How things changed in our relationship once I left to college. I remember being so annoyed be you when I still lived at home- but now you never fail to make me bust out laughing when I see you and talk to you. You are such an awesome little sister and I love your open-mindedness to life as you are embarking on the start of experiencing real college life on your own. I love you and look forward to going out with you again lol....WOW BYYYEEEEEEE!....
5)
My AGO family line/ Los DirtyGhettoReds/ SuaVeDarko, Fifa, Striker, and Jammers;)- you all make me happy and so proud as I have seen each of you grow and mature and open up more to me and each other. Each one of you make me thank God for my time in AGO as an active and I've realized that you are all my Proverbs18:24 AGO brothers. Thanks for not forgetting about me. Stay close and stay proud! I love you all:) Strong The Ties.
6)
All my friends that I made in SD- each one of you, no matter if I known you for just months or for several years, you've all helped me become this guy I am today and have kept me strong as I try to figure God's will. And whether it be as small as my only pledgebro commenting on one of my fcbk photos, or someone else just asking how I'm doing here in CR, it all is powerful and I have so much love and respect for each of you- you know who you are...
7)
My girlfriend Bethany- it was so random how we crossed paths to actually start talking the way we did but I have no doubt that God knew what He was doing when He made it all happen and put you in my life. I loved having you with me in Costa Rica and it definitely spoke louder than words when you never failed to meet me halfway. Thank God for Skype cuz' I know we would not be together without it helping us to talk and grow closer. I miss you and I really look forward to see your face in SD..................... p.s. I Love You;)
Tis' all for now.
PEACE and Pura Vida.
