(a separate older untitled post)


waiting.

Sitting outside of the house as I type. The afternoon rain is starting to let up and has left everything wet and cooler than it was during the warm humid morning. All is refreshed. My mind as well; seems like I think clearer when the weather gets cooler and the day gets darker. Nothing against the day, its the quiet stillness of the evening and night that can make anyone be more introspective... right?
Seems as though I am finding more peace with each passing day. More peace of my place here on this big plot of land that I have got all to myself- and the rain pours down again.
Away from home. Away from much control. I see that I have been here before. I used to think that I'm missing out on a lot. But more now its seeing how I have deafened myself to what is around me in this town. That loose restraint that I felt keeping me tied down and from moving around... I have discovered it to be a comfort embrace. An embrace for strength. An embrace for peace. An embrace of love. It is in the stillness of keeping still that you can receive it all. In keeping myself low and hollow, that is how I can feel that powerful embrace that my God wants to give me. And in that embrace is when I see and feel that He is really all I need- and the rain has let up again.

I used to believe that I was a very religious person. And growing up as a Catholic, that's exactly what I was. A religious kid. Completing most of the traditional Catholic sacraments, attending Sunday Mass, the frequent confession with a priest, doing all of the physical motions and gestures that made me feel like God was well pleased with me- it was all second nature to me. Just something you did if you were Catholic. Jesus was always shown as beaten bloody and dead on the cross- either on the altar or near it (in those churches that displayed a statue/image of the Virgin Mary in the center of the wall behind the altar instead of Jesus in the center).
I can say now that I knew a lot about Jesus growing up, but I didn't know him as my savior and Lord of my life. I had my 'religion' but did I have faith?... not so much.
I'm so thankful that I was able to break bonds from my religious life and see that Jesus is alive and active and not simply embodied as a skinny blood corpse having on a cross.
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It seems that every time I am in Central or South America (I've only been to Colombia, Chile, Costa Rica, and Argentina) I am reminded of the distorted view of God that is portrayed by the Catholic church...its depressing, frustrating, yet convicting...
So many of the people around here know about Jesus, the Virgin Mary, the Saints, the Catholic Mass and its traditions, etc...but I honestly dont care nor am I worried about knowing about the Catholic Church. Its when I get to know local people who just know about Jesus and what He did for all mankind that gets to me.
Only God knows the true hearts of people- yet when people take the time to get on bended knee to pray in front of an altar dedicated to a catholic saint or to the Virgin Mary yet they aren't bothered to seek Jesus- I can only deduce that they are missing the point.
Like I mentioned already, only God knows whether someone truly believes or is just playing the superficial religion game. Nonetheless, I wish that the Catholic Church, with all of its power and influence, would preach the LIFE and LOVE that Christ was crucified for and RESURRECTED from death to offer us a new life.
Religion. Religious people. It's everywhere here. And though I see it everywhere, I am convicted of the amount of faith that I personally have in God. Convicted on the times that I find myself being icy cold rather than striving to be a boiling hot drink of faith that gives God control over my life.
I'm just in a very interesting spot in life right now where I feel like I have left to fend for myself. In a holding cell. I easily feel confined because I'm away from my beloved friends and family. And some may say, 'look on the brightside!...' but the reality is that its hard to get really close with anyone here since they either come and go within a weeks time (groups) or they have other they just aren't able to be around because of other commitments they have (family, commuting, work). There's a lot of highs and lows that I face. And its def challenging to be encouraged when there is no one physically with me to be an encourager.
This all has been a learning experience. Learning more about myself, learning more about love, learning more about God in my life, and learning that life is gonna throw kicks and punches at you all the time... that only way to move forward to your goals and dreams is by taking some heavy hits and coming back strong trying to block whatever tries to throw you off your path; like a boxing match. Keep ya head up, feet strong, and focused on winning each round.

What would life be like if God was truly dead?... If you ask me, there would be nothing. All would be just deadness. No life, hope, love.

But you know what?...

Christ lives and Christ saves. Nietzsche died. God never did. He is love and His agape love never will die... 

Happy Easter everyone. 

God be with you all.