I'm sure there has been a point in your life where you are just so busied about doing this and that, going from here to there, talking to him and her, that you reach a point where you just are caught dead in your tracks from it all- kinda like those muffled slow motion shell shock sequences in the beginning Saving Private Ryan- and you can only ask yourself:
'What the hell am I doing here?!!'...

I have definitely have had my fair share of those shell-shock moments of introspection.
And I am finding myself asking that same question- once again.
Indeed I am a Christian, a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, who has messed up plenty of times and will be the first to say that I have F'd up in the past and still do here and there. With that being said, I am being critical of where God wants to use me. But I'm not your typical Christian. I will openly let it be known that I am not a fan of the Christian music genre or of Christian clothing brands (I hate you, NOTW). Too cheesy cookie-cutter and it is not me.
Though I have been blessed with 3 years of living in a christian community during college and have served as a volunteer in church ministries, I am seeing that it is not my place to be limited to working and serving within these types of environments. Not that there's anything wrong with them, I just am called to do more than these things.
Truly there is something wrong when everyone that you come in contact with and interact with all call themselves 'Christians' and where the gospel story is just a part of  The Bible rather than a story of truth that actually changes lives.
More specifically- there is something wrong when you must go out of your way in daily life to find someone who is not a Christian. (Don't agree? Look to the Gospel. Look to Jesus.)

There is more that I still need to do. More that I still need to learn. There is more... than just the church.
I can't get this out of my head.
I suppose I am getting more clarity as to my specific call to minister to people. And I'm seeing that more and more I am having the best conversations and insights with people who are not in the typical church environment. I am seeing that I am gifted with the ability to listen, talk, share, and legitimately get along with all sorts of people...haha! Thinking about aaallll the different types of people that I have come across and known lately just cracks me up- I give alot of that credit to my BigBro who actually was able to crack me out of my anti-social shell back in Fall2006;)
So I know that limiting myself to the church and its people (of which I am aware I am a part of) is not where I am called to. I'm different and I honestly have felt like that misfit when among cheesy christians. A type of ugly duckling and I have never ever been a fan of the whole 'holier than thou' complex...
So I'm waiting for a glimpse of that Calling that God has for me.
A Calling where I can use my passions, talents, knowledge, and gifts (natural and spiritual) to let God touch hearts and uplift those who don't know who He truly is.

I've got all year to listen and figure it all out. srsly.

WORD


p.s. I wish you were here...I'm waiting.
      Ain't no thang. hahahaa!

It's hot. I'm getting more sun and heat than I'd like- and I usually like the heat.
I'm the darkest I've ever been in January. But luckily I have been blessed with rad people who lighten me up.

I'm always on the move. I've been this way for a while.
Seriously since Fall 2007, I have not been somewhere stable for a full year. Not that there's anything wrong with the moving around, traveling, and changes. But I've been thinking about when I will be able to gain some stability. Not settling- but rather, a new season where I can truly get rooted in a community, church, and professional career. I still got much to learn while here in Costa Rica.
I'm getting small little revelations and insights from the man upstairs. I know I'm not called to live long term outside the states. Nor is fulltime ministry going to be my fulltime job.
There is more. There is more for me out there.

In the meantime- I'm trying to keep patient- with an open heart and clear mind- I'm trying.

It has been 3 weeks. 3 weeks since I have been sent here to the foreign field. Sometimes it feels like I have been deployed out here. 21 days of learning this new job of mine that's tough to provide an accurate job description. It doesn't seem that long; yet I have been learning so much. I'm realizing that it's not what you do but who you are that really matters. The experience, the memories, and the lessons learned are truly what I will take away from all this.

Me and people:
I may have mentioned this in a previous post (or not) but I would not nearly be as passionate or excited about my job with Strong Missions without the people that I work with at Strong Missions or with the very different U.S. groups of people that come to do work and support this ministry. The people that I interact with everyday here in Costa Rica are huge blessings. Whether it be talking about football with people from the groups or poking fun with the cooks as they prepare the daily meals, it all helps me see why God has me here- which I still haven't quite fully figured out yet.

Me, myself, and I:
Whether I like or not- the fact of the matter is that I am working in full-time missions. I'm a leader and guide for the people in the groups who need my help and insight (I am not a pastor- far from it) No longer am I able to clock in and out from my work. So this work is pretty much 24/7 at times. With that being said, I highly value the random times when I can be by myself. I need my alone time- to simply clear my head, rest, and pretty much just regain my focus. This whole leadership position is cool but at the same time- 'heavy is the head that wears the crown'.
Simply said, whenever me, myself, and I can all chill and hangout randomly together, we have a great time;)

Me and God:
The big enchilada. Me and God. We have always had an interesting relationship. We talk, we don't talk, we fight, we makeup, etcetera etcetera etcetera... I remember sharing with a good friend when I was still in San Diego before I had to leave- that though me and God haven't always been on the best of terms with each other- one thing has always remained true- He is all I have; All I ever will have. And though I have fallen away and kicked and screamed against Him, God has graciously dragged me through my own mess and has carried me into His perfect plan for me. I am in not way a saint. But never have I been left behind by Him...
And as I have been here in Costa Rica working and serving in ways I never have before- He is teaching me so much. Teaching me who I really am and how I need to keep loving people. Teaching me that I need to be reaching beyond the people in the church and start being with those hurt people who are need someone to listen and actually care. Though I will be away from the states for at least a year, I am looking forward to a lot of things. Looking forward to what God will do next in my life. Looking forward to seeing my best friends again. Looking forward to spending time with that special someone. Looking forward to being romanced by San Diego.
The irony of it all is that I have no problem waiting for it all. I know that its all worth waiting for and that I am where I need to be right now.

In the end, what will be waiting for me?
A Red Rose?
Or just the Sea of Green?...
In the end, there is no doubt.
Only God Knows.

Much Love and Respect.
ybic, Christian Andres

I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink
I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink
no, no, NO!
I'm so tired I don't know what to do
I'm so tired my mind is set on you
I wonder should I call you
but I know what you would do
You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind
 I'm so tired, I'm feeling so upset
Although I'm so tired I'll have another cigarette
And curse Sir Walter Raleigh
He was such a stupid get.
You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind!


-John, Paul, George, & Ringo

I'm on my 3rd week. Much has happened and time has flown by. Work is awesome. It really is. I just find myself being wiped out by it all so easily. I guess I'm getting my taste of what working in full-time ministry really is like. Not easy. That's for sure. The hardest part is staying focused and balanced. The work teams that come in and help with the work projects are a huge part of what I love about my job- however- the tough part is accepting that the time that you have with each group requires you to give of yourself in many ways and before you know it, you are saying your goodbyes to people that you just barely got to know.
I am still learning and if anything, this all helps me truly hold more dear the friends that I have back home.
It's just funny cuz' it seems like God has sent me out solo from California several times. And it's in those times, just like the one I'm in now, that I learn a bit more about myself and about the people who are in my life. Though many come and go, the few that have stuck around are the ones that I love the most.
Yet I still love getting to know those who randomly entered my life shortly before I had to leave- significant other.
Definitely important to keep focused. I am gaining bits and pieces of the bigger vision for my future. I know for sure that it's not living abroad or doing missions long term. Being here helps figure out more clearly the type of person that I am.
Knowing who I am now... will lead me to know what I should do later.

***so much for going to sleep early... it rarely happens... oh well.***